Long lost friend .

I started a blank note on the 10th of September and finally started writing in it on 10th March . Completely unplanned but the timing is perfect . This winter had been gracious . I can call myself a Cinncinnatian now having faced 2 winters here. It's bright and sunny today , the grey clouds are history now  . The grass is all green and the birds and squirrels are all out . I was wondering today morning where do they hibernate all winter ? It almost feels like winter never happened seeing them hopping around . 

The dog training classes have been a wonderful change . The one way bus ride to class Brings back memories of the bus rides I've taken to college a decade ago , memories of Deepu taking the bus to college and all the walking he has done to catch one . The twenty minute bus ride has been a time for me to stop and think . Think about everything from the daily to-do list and stop over to prod  all the other fluttering thoughts passing by .

 Iam beginning to love the bus ride . It takes me through parts of town which otherwise I would never visit . This might just be my next blog . The bits I write down as I take my twenty minute bus ride to class everyday . This might take a while to finish up. Iam not in a hurry either . I haven't seen anyone as a regular here in the bus like we see in India . Back home , it's almost the same faces on the transit at a particular time . Here we have to find our way into doing anything . No complaints though . The past two weeks the girlfriends here have been planning a baby shower . It's a surprise for Vanitha . I truly hope she has no idea about it coming . Been quite hectic between classes and putting together this shower . Will be  a fun gathering for sure ! 

The new phone has been a boon to me . I might never use the phone to its whole capability , but it has been a great one so far.. A few things wouldn't have happened like  this blog  , Listening to the latest chart toppers on Saavn , pen down those stinging thoughts , my chores list to name a few .. 

The class is getting interesting by the day . I've realized that learning and performing a skill are two different things . Theory is so much more simpler than the practical . Handling dogs and learning about them is truly an art , and my instructor , Scott does a wonderful job . I so hope I will be like him some day . Those are big shoes to fill . His ability to break down a problem and have a step by step approach to it is fascinating . If I can learn how to do it , the rest can be mastered by practice and over time . There is no literature available which teaches the method of breaking problems . You create your own . His prior experience of 13 years with dogs cannot be beaten by any book . 

Performance reviews are never fun . No matter which field you are in . I had mine yesterday and it was not a good one . Rekindled thoughts of my review during my corporate stint with 3M . Feedback is a tough cookie to eat , but that's your supplement for growth . The knowledge , art of handling , self confidence and a good teacher are the four pillars in this field .  The confidence buildup is like a button to be pressed . I hope I do that faster than I think I will . Took Neo for the trials as a part of my review and he did exceptionally well for someone who has been going through the training for just the past 3 weeks and in German !! Beat that !! Practice makes the man perfect . In this field , the dog is your true mirror . A reflection of your guidance, teaching and handling . Something that doesn't appeal you , it's all you .

By the way the baby shower went very well :) Iam glad Vanitha was surprised and had a good time :) 

Sachman  has been busy at work too .. Between his current role , politics at the workplace  and new job hunt he is been tested  and Iam sure his head is busting at the seams . He manages to keep his cool and and carry on . Gives me the strength to go on no matter what . Sometimes I do think I started the trainers program a little late,but then the second I finish that thought, the next thing which follows is better late than never and it is all subjective to what "late" means . 

Towards the fag end of the training with about two weeks left for completion, Iam in a flight to Bangalore because dad is unwell . I remember being in the flight and had fleeting thoughts  all possible things which could go wrong . Cancer was a first in the family . Something new to learn about and deal with . Landed in Bangalore early morning on 30th July . My youngest aunt and uncle were there to receive me and take me home . Everything was a hush affair for the extended family and no one knew about my impromptu visit home . Human mind wavers and thinks the worst when someone shows up unexpectedly. That was the least of my concern then . I needed clarity and know what we were gonna deal with . The visit to Manipal hospital was futile . All I did was grope in the dark. Explanations and comforting concerned people were beyond for the doctors there . Command hospital has always been our saving grace . There have been enough instances in the family for us to come back here to consult and restore both body and faith . Our decision to come to Command hospital  and consult was the best decision so far . Doctors see so much that the soft communication skills is lost in the woods . Not as much within the defense premises . When the cash variable is removed , the clarity on service is what you get to see .

Today we are on the 12th of August . A month and ten days have passed since dad has been hospitalized. He is through with the surgery and his long journey to recovery will begin in a few more weeks . Until then it would be clocking a few hundred kilometers, more temper tantrums , odd hours of sleep and junk food .Acquaintances  continue to happen . Time will test these relationships to see if we will make it to the next level of being friends . I've met very interesting people and cute ones ;) especially one on the list :) will continue to keep a tab on this guy :) no idea if he will read this blog , but if he does he will know !

I am 18 days away from going back to Cincinnati. I plan to go back and finish up my pending classes and hopefully continue to apprentice under Scott. The learning and experience is unmatched to any other . This unplanned stint to India has been a crazy one! It has and continues to test my patience, maturity and given me a brief glimpse of what looking after an ailing parent will be . I think I have faired well . Here I am sitting in the officers ward , Command Hospital penning the last few words . This blog will be reminder to me nothing is certain . I expected it to be a simple blog in the bus and now I am half way around the world finishing it . Raising a toast to the uncertainty , cheers my friend, until next time around . 

Sifting through .

As I soak into the sins of Cincinnati and as I watch Sex and the City I wonder in my life is there a  Carrie Bradshaw , Charlotte York , Samantha Jones and Miranda Hobbes in my life ? I sure think I do .
Vinu is a definitely my Charlotte York without any doubt . Her belief in love and life definitely puts her as the strongest contender . I do see myself as a Carrie minus the style statement ,minus the pay .
Being brought up in India , we are for sure reserved on the dating spree , where we are based and how are lives have been rolling , but nevertheless I love my Girls !!

Iam yet to find the other girls but iam sure I will !!
Love to myself !!
muahh

While on my magic carpet ..

It's interesting how we contemplate on ourselves and what is more astounding is where we do it . Right now , we are on our way from Cincinnati to Paris and then to Aberdeen. Sleep has just lost track of me and I'am wandering in the corridors of some Spanish music and random thoughts . Honestly feeling sensual about myself and life . Maybe it is the music ,maybe it's my sexy sitting next to me and provoking the most naughty thoughts in me :) I honestly don't care, because I feel good . It is definitely not the most smooth flight ..rocking as hell and I have this cute 12 odd year boy sitting diagonally to my left. He will surely grow up to be a handful and handsome one . Flipping through,movies and music , he has his night well planned out .

The coming week is gonna be maddening for sure . Family and kids will suck the energy from me , but iam ready for it . Looking forward to it . I wish mom and dad were there too , but I understand the pretext of this trip . Hopefully there won't be any the next time .

My reading has slowed down terribly ..I must and need to pick up the crumbs on that one . I did finish 2 books so far ,but not good enough . Sachin has tried his best to get me to start reading fantasy , but no luck so far . Iam not convinced yet that I'am ready for fantasy . Hopefully that will turn around soon .

It is surprising how music can be a stimulant . To thoughts , moods , ambiance are just some of it , what is more interesting is , it brings them in waves and you could sit by and feel each one of them engulf you .

Sachin and I were having this interesting conversation yesterday about what is right / wrong morally . It does force you to speculate into yourself and see the layers within yourself as you peel through the discussion and keep an open window to the thoughts and talk . It's truly 50 shades of grey ! Sachin truly works on an OS model ! Well as long as you have something working for you . It was the flip of the button for me on that Saturday . I will say it was life changing in many ways for me . The curtains are drawn and the stage is set . Let the good times roll. I cannot bundle myself into the infinite loop of self doubt . It took me no where. A self destructive black hole .

 I ask myself , what is going through my mind. The answer is blank..well , watching house of cards has been subconsciously playing on my mind . The complexity of the human mind , the need and hunger for power , control , the beast within demanding for the physical needs which are not intimate by definition but more the hunger of a ravaging monster. Was it a raw picture of who we really are ? Something we are not ready to accept or conveniently shove under the carpet to forget? Almost makes me believe , we come alone into this world and we naturally do everything possible to be that way . Infact the sane part of a human is the work to be done . Constantly judged and measured by the Barometer of goodness / being sane . It feels like it is the light which keeps a check on the darkness . Or the other-way ? Depends on what you interpret as "light". The more brains around , the more subjective .

I have 2 hours to kill and my body is revolting right now . Not in terms of sleep ,but every other possible way . Let's see..gotta do something .thinking about going for a walk..all I see around are night blinds and weird sleep positions . I pity about their neck , but there is only that much you can do in an economy seat .

Every time my mind is idle , deepu's thoughts flood all over . I miss him so much. Words cannot even begin to express them . I see his friends and think what he would have accomplished about this time and what he would be looking forward to . If only he had a chance . I know for sure that he is there somewhere . I have dream't of him as a child playing in a park somewhere , looking up to me in a blue shirt and matching shorts . Those sparkling eyes is all I seek for .

1 hr 38 mins . Time is crawling here. Not a big fan of sitting up awake when everyone around me is catching a wink . Well , my cute 12 year old neighbor is still up . Poking around a game on his iPad . Beyond comprehension . Honest confession . To make things worse , my touch screen is frozen and the overhead light is on ! ANNOYING !! Well gonna stretch my legs now and hit the bathroom shortly . The landing prep has begun .

Adios !

2013 , a year gone by too quickly.

2013 was a whiff as far as I remember !! I would say been one of the quickest year to pass by under my nose . This year has been different ,challenging and fun in many ways  . To list a few , here they are :
- Moved to the US ; Cincinnati , OH on January 24th from Bangalore India .
- Moved into our apartment in the US in February .
- Handling the snow, cold and numbness for the fist time .
- Figuring out the "Indian "grocers in town to feed our food cravings .
- Wine tasting on Fridays , meeting Judy and learning about wines .
- Driving on US roads  ( remember , no honking and follow the lanes !)
- Dealing with the whole new definition of "Me time "with Neo at home .
- Starting a new social life from scratch .
- Living with Sachin more than the hours spend in Bangalore .
- Traveled  to New York , New jersey and San Jose .
- Traveled to Alaska . The best treat nature has to offer .
- Hosting dinners for Indian festivals and gathering .
- Traveled to India , was a quick trip by to see everyone .
- Seeing Bruno the dane change into the lamb he is and see him living the life he deserves .
- Now in Oxford , UK to spend Christmas and New Year's eve.

This year has been a challenge emotionally too . Aslan's death was a blow we never expected . It was not his time to go . Not the way he went . It took me a while to make peace with his death . I was angry and pissed at multiple people including myself for choosing and insisting to move to the US . I know that none of our pets will be taken care off the way we do , which doesn't mean that our folks don't take care enough , its just that the perspective is never the same .
Iam still not over Deepu being away . It is currently fueled more when I see Gigu , Sachin and Sandy together . I is not about being jealous , just feeling miserable about the fact that I miss my brother . It is honestly a very terrible feeling when you know you had the green days and now you don't no matter how much you crave for even a few hours in a day .  This is something I need to work on . I feel Iam bottling up too much and it is definitely affecting me . I can feel it .

There are a couple of things I need to get back  / work on for the coming year .

- Work out and exercise . Fitness needs to notch up and be maintained .
- Join work and get back to the working mode . My idle mind is surely turning out to be the devil's      workshop.
- Give back more , to nature , to society and to animals .
- Get CPR certified and if possible become an instructor .
- Get a deep sea diving certification .
- Learn pottery and make my chai cup.
- Experiment more on screen printing .
- Read more books and blog a small note about it .

Cheers !!

Did you ever turn back ?

Iam always amazed the way we see people as we grow , physically , mentally and emotionally .

Parents to children of a very young age is a pain in the @$$ most of the time and especially when they have to say a "yes" or give permission . No extra chocolates , no fighting , no wrestling in the mud , no catching the guppies in the drain flowing with fresh rain water etc etc .
In short : I have the worst parents . Always saying NO !!

Parents to teenagers are a pain in numerous ways . Never give them enough pocket money , never enough time to stay late in the night , no parties , no travels outside the city with adult supervision , no wearing skimpy clothes ( for girls ) no alcohol and smoking etc etc .
In short :  When will I ever have a life on my own !! Cant wait to get out of here !!.

Parents to young working professionals , their pain starts being a burden , especially the ones where they are young , working and earning a ton of money more than their dad ever did in their lifetime and married with an equally professional and working wife . Financially need to support them , Look after them , can never have private time of your own , always a constant supervision by them and their parallel talks in each and every subject of decision in the house , no alcohol parties etc etc
In short : Goodness , can never have a private life !! Old age home is the best for them .

Its only once the kids hit somewhere in their early 30's ( that's if they have some human values left in them ) or    I can only hope when it is not too late they realize that this is a cycle every human being goes through no matter which nationality you are . Iam a believer that good or bad , you will see it in this life time . Nothing will be logged for you to "see" in an afterlife .
I did have terrible days as a kid , teenager &  young adult with my parents ,which at that time were blood boiling episodes . Now I have made peace for different instances and situations and see what my folks especially my mom saw . I have turned back . After Deepu ( my younger brother ) has passed away ( will be 2 years on Nov 13, 2013) my view on relationships , family , friends and foe have changed forever . Help and respect people when ever you can . Never hesitate to smile . Love your loved ones and parents as much as you can , be kind to animals , cause tomorrow you never know what can happen to you or them . My bro lived his life king size and I have a lot to learn from him .
Cheers !!

<3'ing ,
D

Health is Wealth

We have been told that our health is THE most important aspect of our body which should never be ignored because you never know what can creep up into you and wave the red flag .
This weekend we went cycling to one of the most beautiful trails I have ever seen and believe me , some of these trails , you have to see it to believe it . Its called the Little Miami trail and is about 60 miles , goes all the way from Newtown , Cincinnati  to Dayton . I will say it was a struggle in the beginning and then it was a matter of time before my legs were open to the idea for cycling :) Iam loving the fact that Iam exercising and finally will have a waist size lesser than my waistline and it does feel good to be in that sweet spot . I guess it is the beginning of a "stay fit " motto in the US and will continue to explore new trails and parks !!

Check out this link and you will know what Iam talking about :)

http://www.littlemiamistatepark.org/

Cheers to healthy living !!
D

Hope of the unthinkable .

I have always been a heavy kid , plump , a large size in clothes , a foot size I could hardly unless it was from Bata . Iam thankful to that company even now . Its been 2 years since our marriage and Sachin runs hardcore and I wonder how did he do it ?? and the irony of the whole thing is I was in sports as a child !! and that too in athletics and rallies and hurdles . I always thought how did this bad health and lack of stamina creep into me like this . Its terribly sad that I let it happen to me .

On the brighter side now , I have started running . I havent reached upto his pace now , but Iam trying and I have lost weight , my  bum cheeks have shrunk , my thighs are not saying hello to each other everytime I walk and I can feel my tummy tucking in and have a flat feeling ( kinda ) . Its never late to start a health you want to . Iam a believer in it now , I was never a believer in it coz I thought it was an irreversible cycle until I did it myself . It wouldn't have been possible without Sachin's support and help and push and bugging me everytime we go for a run :)

love you loads my sexy !!
muaahh !!